This journey has become a huge part of me.
I’ve poured a lot of myself out on here and it leaves me very vulnerable. So far, I’ve had very little exposure and those that have read anything on here have been strangers who are on the same journey and have been very supportive. Also, my husband.
Isn’t it funny how we hide our vulnerabilities from those who love us most? It’s because of fear, I think, that I don’t acknowledge my weight loss ‘journey’ around my family and friends. Somehow, admitting to them that I am trying to lose almost 100 pounds is hard! I am in no way afraid of being judged by my loved ones but I do have a fear of letting them down. Losing 100 pounds seems like such a huge undertaking. Surely, I’d have to be on The Biggest Loser to achieve that!
I always walk this line between wanting to be noticed and also not wanting to be the center of attention. It’s always a little scary for me to be the center of attention because I see myself in such a harsh light sometimes and I fear what a spotlight might reveal to others. However, I know that if I were to reach my goal, I would sing it to the world!
I am going to be proud now because I do have a lot to be proud of. Losing 25 pounds might only be less than a quarter of the way to my goal, but it’s a pretty big deal. Some days I can’t tell the difference, but other days I am so aware of how much happier I am now than I was two months ago. What’s going to get me further, fear of failing or pride in what I have done so far? Being proud of myself just gives me motivation to push harder. I can’t wait to see where I’ll be in two more months!
What’s going to get me further, fear of failing or pride in what I have done so far?
In an effort to remove fear, I’ve been wanting to disclose my journey to more of my friends and family. Yesterday, I started with my best friend and cousin, J. I hadn’t really planned on telling her yesterday, I don’t even know how the conversation started but it all just spilled out of me. I must have sounded passionate because she almost cried! I have always been able to talk to J about anything. I never fear judgement, and I know I will always get more than enough support from her. She is the best cheerleader! Anyway, she now knows about this blog (Hey, J!) and it feels so good to have another person in my life that understands what I’m going through. She’s also promised not to share with anyone until I am 100% comfortable with it.
Pretending that I’m not on this journey makes it so much more complicated. Eventually I will free myself from fear and just own it!
MICHF1T 